The Art of Embracing Feelings: Why Alcohol and Distractions Aren't Self-Love

In a world brimming with constant stimuli and busy schedules, it's easy to slip into the habit of pushing away our feelings. We've become masters at distraction, seamlessly numbing our emotions with a myriad of diversions. But is this act of evasion truly an act of self-love? Or is it a temporary escape leading us further away from genuine self-care?

 

Let's pause for a moment and ponder. Self-love isn't just about bubble baths, treating ourselves, or seeking constant entertainment. It's about acknowledging, accepting, and honouring our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.

 

When we distract ourselves, scrolling endlessly through social media, binge-watching TV shows, or burying ourselves in work, we're essentially postponing the inevitable: our emotions will resurface, often stronger and more insistent. They knock louder, demanding recognition, and when repeatedly ignored, they can manifest as stress, anxiety, or even physical discomfort.

 

True self-love involves a compassionate confrontation with our feelings. It means creating space to understand why we feel the way we do, without judgment. It's about understanding and accepting sitting with discomfort, allowing ourselves to experience sadness, anger, or frustration, knowing that these emotions are a fundamental part of being human - and these emotions are there to move through us and help us.  Growing up, we may have learned that our emotions are too much for others to handle (but that is usually for people who are struggling to deal with their own emotions and situations) and we can learn to think our emotions need hidden and by pleasing everyone else by keeping them in we will be happy.  However, we then reject who we are and learn inappropriate coping skills, suppressing who we are and never learning safe ways to really care for and accept ourselves.  We can become people pleasing and co dependent, believing that happiness is found outwith ourselves. And although we think pleasing people is innocent, when you always choose someone else, you are never choosing what you need, and so this can lead to a wealth of problems in the thoughts we believe to be true.

 

By embracing our feelings, we empower ourselves. We learn valuable lessons about our needs, boundaries, and desires. We discover resilience and strength in vulnerability. Instead of being ruled by our emotions, we become skilled navigators, understanding how to respond to them healthily.

 

Practicing self-compassion is integral on this journey. It's about offering ourselves the same kindness and understanding we would extend to a dear friend. It's okay not to have it all together all the time. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or lost. It's in these moments that practicing self-love shines the brightest.

 

So, how can we shift from distraction to genuine self-care? Start by setting aside intentional time for self-reflection. I found engaging in activities that fostered mindfulness, such as journaling, meditation, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts helped. Seek support from friends, family, or a professional when needed.Sometimes the people you want to be able to hold space for you wont be able to.  They may be used to you always agreeing with them or striving to fulfill their expectations.  Don't take it personally.  There is probably a lot to learn in noticing what's going on there.  You can only be responsible for your choices.  Understand that self-love isn't about escaping from our feelings; it's about embracing them wholeheartedly.  You also don't have to feel everything all at once. 

 

As a This Naked Mind coach, I've seen firsthand how easily we slip into using alcohol to numb or forget our feelings. I know how i would use it to numb overwhelm and pain.  It's a common narrative in our society - the idea that a drink can whisk away our worries and silence our emotions. Yet, in the journey towards controlling alcohol, we often realise that the habit of numbing doesn't serve our well-being and we often end up with added worries about other relationships, our health and money.

 

When we first stop drinking, the instinct to distract ourselves from our emotions can be overpowering. We may seek solace in various distractions, attempting to avoid the discomfort bubbling within. However, it's crucial to acknowledge that true self-love isn't found in evasion. Instead, it lies in allowing ourselves to feel our emotions fully, even when it's challenging.

 

Feelings exist for a reason - they are the language of our inner world, communicating our needs, desires, and boundaries. They're not meant to be suppressed but rather acknowledged and understood. Emotions guide us, offering insights into our lives, relationships, and personal growth.  I know when i went through the grief of losing contact with someone I loved it felt unbearable and I definitely didn't have the tools to cope with all the change going on and that grief (yes, it IS grief and a type of ambiguous loss) and other people didn't really understand how to support me through it either.  So piling on a heap of shame and blame, then fuelling it with alcohol just led me down a slippery slope where real self care went off the radar.  Thankfully, I found This Naked Mind Methodology and changed my relationship with alcohol, which allowed me to then create that self awareness and space to learn how to truly love and care for myself and to allow myself to be who I really am.  And there lies freedom and peace of mind - and a motivation to understand and feel my emotions.

 

It's vital to recognise that embracing our feelings doesn't imply being consumed by them. Instead, it's about creating a space for self-compassion and exploration. As we navigate our relationship with alcohol, understanding why we feel a certain way helps us untangle the threads of our emotions, leading to deeper self-awareness and healing.

 

Practicing self-compassion is a cornerstone of this journey. It involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, especially when facing challenging emotions. Sobriety isn't just about abstaining from alcohol; it's about nurturing a profound connection with ourselves.

 

So, how do we shift from distraction to genuine self-care? Begin by dedicating time to reflect on your emotions. Engage in gratitude and mindfulness practices, along with journaling and  meditation, to connect with your inner self. Seek support from others in the sober community or professionals who understand this journey.

 

Join my free Heartspace Hub for downloadable resources and you can also opt into monthly meetups on the third Sunday of every month.  Infact this month, I'll be coaching and focussing on Self Love on 11th AND 18th at 8:30pm, so please feel welcome to join.  I'm also going to be adding my new Self Love Download there this month.